* Sunday, August 10, 2008
this is gonna be a very vey personal entry. oh man. tmr is monday.means school's starting.:( i dont want to get back to reality. Recently, many many things have happened, and it seems like i have lost faith in myself and everything. sigh. i don't know why things turn out to be this way..you said i used to be more important..how can the situation change like nothing happening? im still unwilling and don't want to accept the fact that im just as important. the tears will eventually dry up man.
probably you wont be happy reading this but im just writing down how terrible i feel. you may think im overly emotional, but let me tell you, all girls will feel like me if they are put in my shoes.
why are all guys like this? i feel no difference compared to your friends. ok maybe im jus like a friend to you, holding not less but also not a single bit more priority than your friends. probably i have failed to win that significant place in your heart. i surrender. im not gonna ask for anything more. nn's case was also like that.(im sorry to mention u nn, ur name just creeped into my mind) does that mean that all guys are really selfish creatures? why do guys need a gf when their friends are just as important? will i end up like nn? i really dont want and don't dare to know. the reality has torture and hurt me enough. heartbroken is the word. i just cant continue to deceive myself that im STILL 'almighty' and important in your heart. most girls will expect to be placed very high up in the guy's heart and i am just one of them. is it wrong of me to think this way? i feel that sense of injustice. why am i still as important as them when i have actually committed much much more? you tell me, is it fair to me? i am a girl or more specifically, ur gf afterall, how could you treat me like this man. just in case you didnt know, im actually feeling very hurt. probably i will take one step at a time. drowning in my notes and books whenever i can. maybe studies is more important at this point of time? i will walk out of all this strong. and study hard girl.
mOm0 at 4:23 AM
